Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
