Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize