i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
