how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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