I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
