every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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