just tell him i said nine months
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
