This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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