yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
