i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
