Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i think im in europe. pls send help
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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