i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
