we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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