ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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