4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
