My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize