He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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