Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I have post one night stand depression
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