TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
