Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
