so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
