My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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