it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
