I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
