I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
