Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
