how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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