Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize