it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
