my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
