I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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