I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize