I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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