What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
