And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize