Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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