so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
