Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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