FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
