it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
