I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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