So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm like, not good at living.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
