3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize