I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize