Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
