Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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