It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
