Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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