it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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