And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
