You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
false alarm. still invincible.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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