did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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