The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You need a sexual gate keeper
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
