I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
