as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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