hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
