his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
