You can't special order awesome
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
