I'm laying in your front yard are you home
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
