we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
