I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
