There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
