I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
